The 9 months: a survival guide

Pregnancy is tough, and without proper guidance the parents of the soon-to-be born child can be left clueless and dazed.

Here is a survival guide to safely get through the 9 months, by David and Kelly Sopp.

Why I love myself as a Mother

I may come off as a narcissist, but it's true: I love myself. 
It's a feeling that I believe I owe to myself since I can't bother with who does and who does not. Everyone has their reasons to hold feelings of their choice and I respect that.

It is indeed all that matters in the end. 

I love myself as a human, as a woman and as a citizen of this planet. But most of all I love myself as a mother. Not just cause I have with me (perpetually) a tiny cuddle toy who gives me his complete attention, but also cause it's just so much fun!

I'll agree that being a mother brings with it baggage that includes stained cothes, constant wails and of course dirty diapers, but here are a few things that make me love myself as a mother:

Purchase of a toy (indirectly for yourself) is justified

Growing up implicitly implied that I give up playing with dolls. It was hard to part ways with the love of my (toddler) life, my Barbie.

'and I-I-I will always love you!'

*I will love you too. sniff*

For the longest while I thought it unfair of the societal rules to take away from me an avenue of joy that did no harm. Boys become men and still they can play video games. Now I'm no feminist, but I just missed my Barbie.
However, now when I have a kid I'm socially allowed to indulge in my secret love for toys. Well, a baby boy may not justify the purchase of a Barbie, but toys in general make do.
Manufacturers have become so smart at exploiting parents that they haven't left any stone unturned in making toys for every occasion. Every time I step into a toy store, it is a wonderland! I fall in love with every tiny piece of toy that's in there. And that is why, while it's been only 7 months since I had a baby, he already has a seperate storage closet exclusively for his toys. 

not 1, not 2 .. I want all of these cute buggers

Permission to start a new collection of baby gadgets

A child has granted my conscience the permission, and my husband the obligation to purchase gadgets that pose to contribute to the betterment of the baby.

While some may boast of the new iPhone, I now have a collection of useless baby gadgets to do the same. 

For some reason they seemed so relevant to raising a baby at the time; but now they just add chaos to my already cluttered room. 

since I needed to get back in shape, a jogging stroller was a must .. 

.. and since the baby just started solids, a gyro bowl was necessary ..

.. now I think these Toyota Creatures shall be a good way to baby -proof  my iPhone

Repeated attempts at becoming a Yummy Mummy

Beyonce had a child last year and within months she looked even gorgeous than before.

Beyonce: 'that's me 3 days before .. and then that's me 3 minutes later'

Since I have a child now and I want to look gorgeous, the activities I have been indulging in post-birth have led me to follow a lifestyle that is considerate of what I eat, what I do and what I wear.

What I eat

Because the baby demands high energy levels, I need to include carbohydrates in my diet. Striving to lose weight alongside, I am left in a conundrum. 

The solution for me then is to break down my meals into 5 times a day. I try to include carbs and proteins that seek to to provide me with the required calories. 

I also try to control my vicious habit of snacking. I won't say I'm there yet, but I'll consider myself a hero for doing so!

a hungry woman is like a dynamite on fire .. ready to blow up

What I do

Regular exercise.

That my friend is a must, since preganncy left my body with a lot of flab that needs to be tended to. I choose Monday as the beginning of a new dawn, with Sunday usually ending in a little guilty pleasure loaded with calories.

And if I workout I have every excuse to buy cool sports gear!

these are so gonna be the next pair of weights I buy!

What I wear

Think Victoria Beckham. 

She is yummy mummy personified. And that is why whenever I buy accessories now, I have a standard to maintain (which is just an excuse since I love shopping anyway).

red and oversized .. perfect to complement my still shrinking body

firm footing for the baby, but style for me

.. ridiculously large flairs for the pooch ..

.. a little dash of self-love ..

 .. parenting publication for my support group .. 

Playmate to dress-up

Since children are already attention-seeking agents, I make the most of the opportunity to experiment with mine by dressing him up; and he always likes it. Well even he doesnt, he wont remember a thing till he grows up (and other kids tell him how cool he looked when he was a toddler).

at times he's my rock-star .. 

.. and sometimes an aspiring mark ruffalo

It is a taxing job, I admit it. But it's so wonderful with a human being relying solely on you to feed him, bathe him and play with him. Children are innocent creatures who will lov their mother selflessly. And though the aforementioned reasons may be why I love myself as a mother, the best part of it all is the loe of my baby itself which right now is a culmination of ma-mas and da-das, and still so adorable.

When can you ask a woman she's pregnant?

Never.

Because as much as you may want in on the secret, it's a secret for a reason. And though it might be an obvious secret (especially in the third trimester), it still is one.

So why is it against the normal social etiquettes to ask a woman about her pregnancy?

Well, it's just none of your business

It's not your pregnancy and even after delivery it won't be your child. 
So why do you care?

A pregnant woman is already experiencing puberty, all over again: haywire hormones, weird body changes and bad skin (who said there'd be any glow anyway?). Like a teenager, she just wants to be left alone so she can plug in her headphones and concentrate on not doing her homework; which in her case is tying back her hair over the toilet commode as she concentrates on keeping down her ingests. 

Her lack of desire for the (unwanted) attention 

She's pregnant but she's still human. She may look like a balloon and walk like a lawn mover, but she still breathes. 
Therefore, when you ask her about her pregnancy, you're indirectly asking her to benefit from your omniscience. And that in many cases, is not a choice for her. 

She then becomes a force of attraction for all the wisdom  there is stored inside all of those great women (and some times even men) who in their time, despised women of the same kind. 

'beta, narail paani zaroor peena. is se beta hi ho ga'
(do drink coconut juice. It'll guarantee a son)

'beti, akhri maheenay mai bus bed se bahar nikalne ki koi zaroorat nahi. chalo gi tou bache pe wazan parey ga' 
(no need to get out of your bed in the last month or else the child will squash under your weight)

'khao khao aur khao! lo ye barfi bhi khao! tum dou logon ka khana kha rahi ho' 
(eat loads! and this cake too! after all you're eating for two)

These are just some of the treasured advices I got when I was pregnant; and as ridiculous as they may sound, the person who actually entrusted their wisdom upon my nascent shoulders, passed them on to me with such conviction that I felt it my responsibility to oblige, only out of sympathy for their assuming ignorance (read stupidity).

And when the pregnant woman's not being showered with pearls of wisdom, she is being admired for her bloom, especially the oh-so-increasing tummy. 
People just cant seem to get enough of a pregnant woman's belly. They will stare at it for so long that even the child inside will start encircling randomly to avoid the piercing eye-beam; and when you think the onlookers have had enough, they come over and without seeking approval of any sort, inspect the bulging stomach with their raw, unclean and intrusive hands,  just to make sure it's not fake. It's like the belly's a hand magnet which automatically is attracting so much of undesired attention that it almost forces the ms. preggers to seek a restraining order!

'yes, I'm pregnant. and no,  you cannot touch my belly'

Safety from the 'Evil Eye'

The superstitious beings that women are, many women don't like to disclose their pregnancy owing to their belief that their good fortune might get stricken with 'the evil eye'. 

When you ask such a woman about her pregnant state, her skeptic mind will instantly set into motion and make her believe that the inquiry is part of a grand scheme to either harm her or her upcoming child in such a way that will benefit the interrogator  
She tries to dodge the question and if you keep backtracking to the original subject, she will definitely assume you to be the Voldemort to her expected Harry Potter. 
When she gets home she will still be obsessed with your questions and caught up in seeking solace as to why you were so interested in her pregnancy alone? There are other mothers too you could have asked the same questions from. Why only her?!

OH MY GOD .. OH MY GOD .. OH MY GOD!

Thus, just to keep such a woman's sanity intact, it's wise not to question such women whether they're pregnant. You'll find out soon enough.

Just doesn't want to tell

It's her pregnancy and she'll let you know about it herself when and if she wants to. 
Even the law says she has the right to do so.

So it's better just to be a bystander as the events unfold on their own to reveal the story. 
If the pregnant lady is interested in sharing with you her developments, consider yourself as part of the selective few she does not hate fully (as her insane hormones are not directing her to go crazy at your sight). 
You, my friend, then are her soul mate.

Maybe she's not pregnant ...

and only juggling a hectic routine to hardly find time for workout. 

While a pregnancy is a marvel and trying at the same time, it should be understood that it is a very private affair. 
Women, like any other being, have every right to retain information of any sort. Although, it does seem odd withholding information when it is right there staring in your face.

*such a gentleman*

2012: the year of celebrity babies

The media have been careful in judging the past year as the 'year of celebrity babies'. Since I too, had a baby, it seemed that the whole world around me was having one, two or more too. But as it has been validated by the very resourceful papparazzi itself, looks like people were in a rush to pop out babies before the world ended.

This post however, is not about everyone who had a child in 2012, but few of those who I think are worth a mention; and of those whom I have been keeping a track out of pregnancy-bond-induced obligation

This is my personal top ten list of the celebrity newborns who owe their popularity to their awesome parents, as opposed to their assuming cuteness.

10

Parents: Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson

Newborn: Girl - Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson aka Luna

I just included the baby in the list for her (presumptious) attractive name.

 'don't worry baby. I will slash every kid, who makes fun of your name,  with my katana!'

9

Parents: Allyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof

Newborn: Girl - Keeva Jane Denisof

What?! So that was not a fake baby Lily and Marshall were having on ‘How I Met your Mother’s season 7? So I guess I was the only one who didn't know. huh ..

8

Parents: Shilpa Shetty and Raj Kundra

Newborn: Boy – Viaan Raj Kundra

During pregnancy, when at times I just couldn't resist my cravings for fries, I often indulged myself anyway, by exemplifying Shilpa Shetty. If she’s got a personalized yoga tutorial then she definitely will need to get back in shape! I had hoped to do the same. Sadly things haven't worked out that way yet.

7

Parents: Meesha Shafi and Mahmood Rahman

Newborn:  Girl - (couldn't find name on the Internet and she didn't tell me personally)

Either she refuses to explode while pregnant, or her tailor makes really great custom fitted clothes; or maybe coke studio was just recorded way earlier than she was expecting.

*still shaking head trying to figure out*

I'm so sure this is the photo of her first baby, since Pakistani paparazzi are gracious enough not to intrude and let celebrities release photos on personal accord

6

Parents: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green

Newborn: Boy – Noah

Personally for me the birth’s a little unsettling, cause I can never really get myself to picture her as a mom.

we so cannot be interested in a photo of the baby if the mama can manage to pull off platforms with that baby bump

5

Parents: Nadia Hussain and Atif Khan

Newborn: Girl - Sasha

Looks like she’s got everything; and another baby.

'mama, since it seems you can do anything, I want a unicorn right now!'

4

Parents: Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky

Newborn: Girl - India Rose Hemsworth

Though the Avengers’ the Iron Man also had a baby, only Thor made it to my personalized list; only cause he is looking at his baby girl with so much of love in this picture

*awww*

*vader hissing*
'I am your All-father!'

3

Parents: Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z

Newborn: Girl - Blue Ivy Carter

The little girl was my number one at the starting of the year; and then other cool people also had babies.

2

Parents: Adele and Simon Konecki

Newborn: Boy - name still a secret, but who cares! it's Adele's and that's more than enough!

Adele’s finally shown him (the guy who broke her heart and made her into the musical-weapon-of-mass-destruction) and the world that

‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’

Has he yet heard that she's settled down, that she found a boy ... but she's not married yet. Looks like the lyrics can't fit well here then.

1

Parents: Umar Gul and ‘name unknown’; as the great Gul quotes: ‘Don't ask about her name. It is not considered good in Pashtun'.

Newborn: Girl - Rehab Umar (atleast we know her name)

Yes! Our very own Gul boy had his little girl! And the local production is such an  adorable bubble of cuteness that she definitely had to be my numero uno!